MY Spouse IS A Step-Parent so I asked her, “What is a person factor you’ve uncovered about staying in a blended family?” (In fact, I questioned her for additional, wanting to make a list of three or 5 concepts, but I’m grateful to have just one.)

My spouse came up with this one particular:

You know what, it’s just not truthful. It’s not truthful on the kids, the action-father or mother, or the mum or dad of the youngsters. It truly is not good on everyone. The stage-guardian and the parent of the young children created a decision (which may possibly not, in reflection, have been sensible), but the youngsters had no these luxury. Keep in mind that you manufactured a alternative I did. Probably we didn’t absolutely comprehend that preference, but we produced it and we need to have to honour it, and that implies we will need to acknowledge that it is in some cases unfair – but we need to know that it is really unfair on anyone.

Acquiring lived with my spouse for 7 yrs, with and with no the kids, I have to concur with her. There have been occasions when I considered, “This just is not reasonable!” But as I explored the difficulties – generally from 3 sides, searching at every single one of a kind person’s viewpoint – and, nearly without exception, there was sizeable stage of unfairness for everybody.

For me, as spouse and father, I was torn amongst my loyalties. I knew my spouse deserved selection a person loyalty, but I also felt sorry for my children since they were not normally viewed as how I felt they should have been. I frequently felt like the meat in the sandwich.

For my spouse, as move-guardian and wife or husband, it was typically unachievable, due to the fact there was a clash of values, and what she saw as a absence of regard, which exasperated her. She was often furious because she felt misunderstood and disempowered.

For my children, as youthful people today escalating up the finest way they could, they would often come to feel misunderstood and disempowered. This, also, was irritating.


All customers of the family members require to feel there is some procedure or composition for justice in the home. This is about roles and regard. Mothers and fathers and step-mom and dad have a job to deal with the dwelling and the parameters of the home. They want to be highly regarded, but they also will need to make sure they regard the small children.

The finest mothers and fathers respect small children these types of that children master initially-hand how to respect the mothers and fathers.

The parents have the operate to do to create a just household society via respect. When respect is offered it is eventually returned. As mother and father, we have to have to persevere.


Blended loved ones circumstances are not good on any one, but the key is to see the unfairness from the other’s viewpoints. Then we are readier to deal respectfully.

© 2014 S. J. Wickham.